He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
