ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
