the day after is always just damage control
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
