you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
