i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
