FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
