We won't sleep together?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
