Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
