So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
