You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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