I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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