so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
