the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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