im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
