I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
