I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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