weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
