Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize