I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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