She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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