When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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