At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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