Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
