How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
