i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We just shotgunned beers for America
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
