omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize