i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
