I want to walk on stilts...naked
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
