I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize