Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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