either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
