I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
