im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
