Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
