I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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