your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
