A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
