I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
