He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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