Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize