You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
