Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
