Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm having to shit out rocks
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
