Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i came on her dog
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
