I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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