I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
