it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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