If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
