to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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