I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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