Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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