I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
