that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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