i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize