Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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