I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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