I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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