I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
nutella sex= disaster
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
A+ Viking dick
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
