weddingsv make me drug and hornr
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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