the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
