Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
