He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
