Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
