And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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