I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i now understand why vodka
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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