Well apparently he's into motor boating.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
