cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
