tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
