How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
