dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
