I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
