he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
