I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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