if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
