Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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