fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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