so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
