Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
