that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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