Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
