Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
