You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
