I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
